I once thought there could be no such thing as something for nothing. No free lunch. That was until I met you. Right from the start, you seemed to lack all possible ulterior motive. Every word you uttered was to enlighten the listener, make his day a brighter place, impart information that could only benefit the receiver … and I bathed in your reflection to my fill.

Now you’ve gone, I do wonder if I were right. My life is bereft of you. It would make things simpler if I knew exactly whence you’ve disappeared. Whether there was a good enough reason. Whether, indeed, you’ve gone as yet further proof of your complete selflessness. The act of going as an act of giving ... or, perhaps, it was indeed, in a peculiar way, an act of taking, too. I’ve tried to abandon your image to my short memory so, hopefully, the pain won’t last long.

It had certainly solved a number of problems from my point of view, your going. For my own selfishness stuck out like a sore character defect in comparison with your matchless winning ways... I have begun to feel, in fact, like a lesser man in the light of your shining example. Indeed, (and this is a new confession even to me), I think I must have nearly done away with my own life on more than one occasion. How could I have continued to live next to you? For self-disgust is a horrible cross to bear.

Still, with your departure, I think the situation has been solved. At least, until I meet you again in Heaven...


(published 'Peace & Freedom' 1990)