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Monday, November 27, 2006
Shortened Wheel

 

=====================================

 

SHORTENED ‘WEIRDMONGER WHEEL’

HUNDREDS OF DFL STORIES PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED IN PRINT NOW ON-LINE ONLY SOME OF WHICH ARE SHOWN BELOW.

 

If you wish to read even more, please request at bfitzworth@yahoo.co.uk  a copy of the COMPLETE list to date.  Any that are missing on-line following various websites going belly-up etc will be provided to you by email

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2006/05/weirdmonger-wheel-selection.html - an initial select selection.

 

http://store.yahoo.com/shocklines/kandkibydfle.html -Kites And Kisses (Peeping Tom 1997)

 

http://www.clarkesworldbooks.com/weirdmongerwheel.html - In The Vein Of The Father (Heliocentric Net 1994)

 

http://www.midnightstreet.co.uk/weirdmonger.html - The Thing In The Bed (Black Tears 1995); Miscegenation Of The Quirk (Auslander 1995)

 

http://www.ekaterinasedia.com - All Tie And Short Trousers (Momentum 1992)

Beyond The Pale Of Sense (The Bloody Quill 1998)

 

http://www.pendragonpress.co.uk/wwheel/hildred.htm - Hildred's Tale (Night Terrors 1996)

 

http://www.pendragonpress.co.uk/wwheel/monarch.htm - Monarchs and Man (Red Eft 1994)

 

http://www.shadow-writer.co.uk/between.htm - Between The Floors (Scaremongers - Tanjen 1997); Between White Lines (Dementia 13 1992)

 

http://members.fortunecity.com/tonymileman/weirdmonger.htm - The Weird Monger's Circus (The Standing Stone 1991)

 

http://www.kissthewitch.co.uk/seinundwerden/archive3/page12.html - Lowered Lashes (Vinyl Elephant 1994)

 

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/05/abrecocks-zawns_23.html  - Abrecocks & Zawns (Vollmond 1989)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/05/awakening-of-samuel-rigger.html - The Awakening of Samuel Rigger (Nightfall 1991)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/06/front-room.html - The Front Room (The Ultimate Zombie 1993)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/06/shaped-like-snake.html - Shaped Like A Snake (Ghosts & Scholars 1994)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/07/knee-jerks-for-nancy.html - Knee-Jerks For Nancy (Palace Corbie 1993)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/07/dorothy-alone.html - Dorothy Alone (Waste 1998)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/07/claudette.html - Claudette (The Banshee 1992)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/07/wasted-meals.html - Wasted Meals (Nox 1993)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/08/ice-monster.html - The Ice Monster (Night Dreams 1996)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/08/island.html - The Island (Night Dreams 1995)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/08/revenants-and-provenants.html - Revenants and Provenants (Gypsy Blood Review 1993)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2004/08/smidgeon-too-short.html - A Smidgeon Too Short (Oasis 1994)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2005/01/dark-serendipity.html - Dark Serendipity (The Zone 1995)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2005/01/map-of-memories.html - A Map Of Memories (Palace Corbie 1999)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2005/02/three-stories-darned-merely-by-thread.html - Three Stories Darned Merely By A Thread (Strix 1998)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2005/12/drawstring.html - The Drawstring (Darkness Rising 2002)

 

http://weirdmonger.blogspot.com/2006/02/aphids.html - Aphids (Strangewood Tales 2002)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://guestbooks.pathfinder.gr/read/Weirdmonger

Many stories including ‘Tentacles Across The Atlantic’ articles from ‘Deathrealm’.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.nightshadebooks.com/discus/messages/201/2754.html?1094973338

 

Dark Oasis (Literatia Macabre 1996)

Tugging The Heartstrings (Thingamajig 1997)

Skin Deep (Atsatrohn 1993)

Beyond The Park (Dreams & Visions 1991)

The Demon Faltering (Lost 1991)

Disquiet (Dreams & Nightmares 1994)

Spooking Out (The Fractal 1994)

<small>CÆSURA</small> (Oasis 1999)

At The Moosey Mud-Flat (Euronymous 1994)

Trial and Terror (The Black Lily 1996)

The War Wake (Cthulhu Cultus 1997)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.nightshadebooks.com/discus/messages/8/2533.html?1096111970

 

Belated Moments (the kore 1994)

Description Of A Kitchen Event (The Bibliofantastic 1999)

The Ulterior's Motive (Beyond The Moon 1994)

The Tsarina's Wintercoat (Nightfall 1990)

A Disowned Spontaneity (Voyage 1998)

Painting With Water (Noir Stories 1993)

Daughters (Dagon DFL Special 1989)

Green Twist (Shorts From Surrey 1993)

Lexophony

Ashley Lime (Odyssey 1993)

There's More To Bellini Than Norma (Zine Zone 1998)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.nightshadebooks.com/discus/messages/8/1189.html?1104234517

 

Visages of Jade (Dreams & Nightmares 1991)

The Picnic Party

Avant Garde (Samsara 1995)

4' 33" (Nemon ymous 2002)

Half A Sixpence (Crypt of Cthulhu 1993)

Blubby (Red Eft 1997)

The Parachutist (Night Owl Network 1993)

Nomicos Inge (The Sterling Web 1991)

Penguins At Midnight - new story 2006

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.ttapress.com/discus/messages/570/645.html?1095086378

 

Bedroom Eyes (After Hours 1995)

Applied Madness (Inflated Graveworm 1997)

Fitzworth's Funeral (Stygian Articles 1996)

Hide & Seek (Overspace 1990 and <i>Year's Best Horror Stories</i> 1991)

Last Word 1 (Zene 1996)

Last Word 2 (Zene 1996)

Last Word 3 (Zene 1996)

Last Word 4 (Zene 1997)

Pogrom Panjandrum (The Night Side 1991)

The Lady Opposite (Flickers 'n' Frames 1994)

Last Word 5 (Zene 1997)

Dead-Ends (XIB 1993)

For PFJ LIII Rewritten (Sheer Filth 1989)

Last Word 6 (Zene 1997)

Weirdities (Atsatrohn 1993)

Whofage (Atsatrohn 1993)

Last Word 7, 8 & 9 (Zene 97/98)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.ttapress.com/discus/messages/570/605.html?1096993441

 

Jake's Fair (Roisin Dubh 1995)

Who Else? (Testament of Lael 1993)

The Regency Cafe (Memes 1991)

A Long Tail (Weird Monger's Tales <i>Wyrd Press</i> 1994)

Nurtured From Night (Stuff 1994)

Works Outing

Ancient Ponds (Dark Horizons 2001)

I'll Take Them On A Dream Ride (Cerebretron 1989)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.ttapress.com/discus/messages/570/964.html?1104235784

 

Scraping The Memories (End Of The Millennium 1998)

Clinging To The Cold (Dark Matter 1998)

A Restless Night (After Hours 1990)

Dark Chintz (Dreams From The Strangers' Cafe 1994)

Delicious (Blood Roses 2001)

Nightwork (Night Owl Network 1993)

The Misshapen One (Literatia Macabre <i>Strait-Jacket</i> 1996)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

http://weirdmonger.blog-city.com/was_that_a_message_or_a_movement.htm - Was That A Message Or A Movement? (Ghostly Tales 1988)

 

http://weirdmonger.blog-city.com/the_plug.htm - The Plug (Peeping Tom 1997)

 

http://weirdmonger.blog-city.com/grandfather_clock.htm - Grandfather Clock (published before in Serbian)

 

http://weirdmonger.blog-city.com/simonettas_legs.htm - Simonetta's Legs (Substance 1994)

 

http://weirdmonger.blog-city.com/padgett_weggs_xiv.htm - Padgett Weggs XIV (Panurge 1989)

 

 

 OTHER SITES WITH LOTS OF STORIES

 

 

http://wyrdonymous.blogthing.com

 

http://www.livejournal.com/users/weirdmonger

 

http://web.archive.org/web/20050319135152re_/denemonger.crimsonblog.com

 

http://expressblogs.com/blogs/index.php?blog_ID=Simonymous

 

http://weirdmonger.blogeasy.com

 

http://weirdmonger.blogdrive.com/

 

http://blogontheweb.com/denemoniser

 

http://blog.myspace.com/megazanthus

 

http://nemonymous.tripod.com/word_hunger

 

http://www.nymous.esmartbiz.com/

 

http://wordonymous.tripod.com/

 

http://wordonymous.freewebspace.com/

 

http://www.nymous.freewebspace.com/

 

http://augusthog.tripod.com/

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 http://www.pantechnicon.net/stories/taxidriver.htm - Pay The Taxi Driver

 

http://www.geocities.com/bfitzworth - ERTZ (Violent Spectres 1995)

 

http://horrorreview.esmartdesign.com/diptych.htm - Diptych (Black Tears 1995)

 

http://www.silbermedia.com/qrd/archives/dfltong.html - (QRD 1996)

 

http://www.kamikazee.freeserve.co.uk/rawbrain.htm - (Arrows of Desire 1994)

 

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4464/bd.huggermugger.html - Hugger Mugger (Psychopoetica 1996)

 

http://members.tripod.com/~night_wanderer/bloodrose/processors.html - Processors (Vandeloecht's Fiction Magazine 1993)

 

http://www.geraldengland.co.uk/zz/z08.htm - Spanning The River

 

http://www.infinityplus.co.uk/stories/horn.htm - The Horn of Europe (Silver Web 1993)

 

http://noxnight.com/archives/seasick.html - Sea-Sickness

 

http://www.corpse.org/issue_9/ficciones/lewis_lim.htm - Smell Of The Past

 

http://www.dowse.com/storyville-anth/stories/storydfl.html - A Private Person Travels The World Home (Strix 1997)

 

http://elizabethbowen.fortunecity.com/blog/entry7.html - Why Behind the Fence?

 

http://augusthog.tripod.com/blog/index.blog?entry_id=1586289 - Laughter In The Distance

 

http://wordonymous.tripod.com/blog/index.blog?entry_id=1586286 - Beyond Ulthar

 

To read 'A Pocket Sea': a story collaboration by several writers on one of Jeff VanderMeer's message boards, please click

http://www.nightshadebooks.com/discus/messages/15/303.html?1076686442

 

 

 

 OTHERS (with lots of stories):

 

http://www.seo-blog.org/432_newdfl

 

http://newdfl.bloghorn.com/archives.html

 

http://www.nightshadebooks.com/discus/messages/8/2035.html?1082219577

 

http://weirdtongue.tripod.com/weirdtongue/

 

 http://wordonymous.tripod.com/blog

 

http://augusthog.tripod.com/blog

 

 http://elizabethbowen.fortunecity.com/blog/

 

 http://weirdtongue.tripod.com/blog/

 

plus a passworded blog for adult stories.

 

 

 

Contact: bfitzworth@yahoo.co.uk

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Posted at 02:23 pm by Weirdmonger
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Thursday, November 23, 2006
THE QUEST OF THE MOUTHER (pt 2)

 

 

            In the lobby, a group of veterans dressed in uniform were waiting their turn. They oiled their shotguns and talked about old times, when they visited bordellos in Mandalay, Samarkand, Havana, Tangiers, Cairo, Shanghai, Vaduz and Birmingham.  “No Platonic solids in my day,” mumbled one.  “We had to make do with irregular shapes!”

 

 

            “Bloody scalene pleasures, what?”  chuckled another.

 

 

            “Bloody scalene whores!” returned the first.  “Morals like Euclidean theorems!  Buttocks like Venn diagrams!  Nipples like Lobachevskian corks!  Found their G-spots easily enough but I tickled and tickled and just couldn’t locate their {e to the power of minus j Theta} spots!”

 

 

            “Isosceles beavers!  Need a bit of Fourier Analysis,eh?”

 

 

            The king of Redonda jerked a thumb and explained: “The co-sines of our fathers.  They’re all that’s left of the Male Joy Division, used in the last Surinamese civil war.  They gather here periodically to awaken old memories and raise a flagpole or two.”

 

 

            “Disreputable!” Godfrey and Lucy wrinkled noses.

 

 

            The Madam of the establishment came in with two sacks.  She cleared her syphilitic throat and announced that one held clay-breasts while the other held a family of pelicans.  “Take your pick!”

 

 

            As the soldiers raised their firearms, Sri Lankhmar rushed forward and snatched the second sack.  He liberated the pelicans, who pecked the fabric of the tent and caused it to deflate with a deafening explosion.  While the birds flew out, seeking refuge from the cruelty of men, harem and occupants were flung high into the clouds.  Except the clouds were little more than teasings of cotton-wool that were stuck high in a tree like bits of fluff, where a nest of three fledgling chicks were succubating their breasts for future tweaking by the harem-aviary’s clientele.  One spoke through its beak as if the words were formed by human lips, tongue and teeth:

 

 

            “Where’s Mouser?”

 

 

            The voice was bird-like with a cute lispiness without actually lisping.  The other two chicks pouted as best they could but then made a complete fist of simpering.  Why they were expecting Mouser was anybody’s guess, since they seemed entirely shocked by the abrupt arrival of the others questers in the treetop.  Lucy decided to intervene at this point since she was slipping groundward from branch to branch:

 

 

            “This is fast becoming a guest quest and Mouther has decided to become its object rather than a follow member.  He thought, I guess, that with a tangible purpose akin to tracking a fox to its earth, the quest would become rather more than its erstwhile condition as a cerebral paper chase which only wispy Greek Muses (or cast-off characters from previous doodlings of our twin creators) would find attractive enough to join.  Now, we can expect more men and women of substance like Godfrey and myself...”
            Luckily, most of this mouthful of unworldly wordiness remained unfinished as Lucy, its perpetrator, together with the rest of the shifty shipless shiftless crew of goats, monkeys, quare fellows and kings, tumbled into a pile of golden scales at that very moment being weighed in the balance by one of those Greek Muses which Lucy had been so scathing of.  The fishy stench was worse than the right old stink raised by the previous sentence ending so very uglily in of.  Which of the two textualisers took responsibility for such dross was the very quandary the Muse was alchemically testing with equal measures of...

 

 

            The debate was short-lived, since Feemy Fitzworth and John Gor’blimeysworth simultaneously equated the mutual spotting of Mouser’s tail flicking from the saddlebag of a Marowijne bike as the next stage of interruption in the meanderables of the rainbow quest.

 

 

            “A follower may follow, a leader may lead but only the alchemick fallowness of miscegenation can eventually sauce our capon capers.”

 

 

            With the inference of unalloyed pleasure at the tale of Mouser’s Muse, the cheering group God-sped after the narrow-saddled bike, wondering who or what it was that pedalled towards a segment of the out-stretched horizon which was geometrically furthest away from the rest of the sky-line.

 

 

            The chase was arduous and required a better judgement of scale than what is needed to tailor socks for a giraffe.  They followed the Mouser’s bicycle down a road crammed with cars headed to the west coast.  From the centre of Surinam, the only west coast available is the one located over four political borders, across territory belonging to Guyana, Brazil and Venezuela and finally through the Colombian jungle to the Pacific.  There would be only one chance for a rest - Bogotá, with its sad cafés, unsung in any ballad.  A difficult journey.

 

 

            Needless to say, the drivers were adventurers and traders, carrying cages of mothers-in-law to the galleys.

 

 

            “Fool!” Godfrey cried, as the Mouser and his unseen abductor joined them and wove a way between incumbent automobiles.  Exhausted, the troupe abandoned the quest for a while, sitting by the roadside, counting their blessings.  Between them, they had twenty-four.

 

 

            The sun set like a juicy hat.  In the oblique light, a crescent moon no wider than a cough emerged from behind a wispy cloud, like a scimitar dancing in an exotic show.  The company sighed.

 

 

            “Perhaps we should split up?” suggested Lucy.  “If we concentrate on different projects, the sum of our achievements may add up to success in the greater quest!  It’s worth a fly!”

 

 

            As if this word was the key to escape, the parrot undid Godfrey’s fly from inside, flew out of the gap with a triumphant squawk and headed in a direction opposite to that taken by Mouser.

 

 

            The tier-eyed parrot gone, the trouser snake was left to mourn its fellow nestling’s bifocal biflycation.  But soon falling asleep, it dreamed of the two textualisers (one young yet oaken; the other moonish and over-seasoned) carving a word upon an Andean peak: an ‘o’ with a polo-dibbler and ‘f’ with an ell-cross and skewer-ankh.  Their ambition was to make as many forms of “of” as there were sentences to end them with.

 

 

            Meanwhile, the company’s splitting-up was tantamount to a random coming-together, as it turned out.  Godfrey and Lucy were the first to find themselves in the same quadrant of the horizon, followed closely by Feemy, Sri, John, the critter et al, in that order.  There were two coasts and the company’s bearings were such that none now knew the westernmost version.  What was more, a street bisected the two coasts as if it were a long, straggly city leading between the furthest reaches of Pan America.  The plumbing and other amenities for such a city were a real headache.  Populations needed spreading every whichway, thus to prevent chasms forming from service tunnels. 

 

 

            A multitude of bikes (one of which doubtless smuggled the Mouser in its saddlebag) negotiated the ley-line that stuck up like a fin between the pavements.  The gaudy shops tilted, the street-lamps lightly kissed across the thoroughfare, urban trees wickerworked the width and darkened the piecemeal sky, kerbstones crepitated, gutters grooved deep and deeper still...

 

 

             A pageant, with spectacular floats, managed to move along from behind the phalanx of bikes.  Godfrey was agog, because there were people cheering from every window of the City street.  He had assumed any inhabitants would be under their bedcovers, dreaming that they were only dreaming, because, otherwise, they would find themselves rats in a sinking City.  Many were even crowding into the open, risking their steps to the subsiding sidewalks.  Children tugged grown-ups to see the wondrous carnival, uncaring of the leaning steeples that both churches and cinemas once boasted at strict right angles.  Once crooked oldsters preened themselves upright in mock stances.  Spires aspired to retro-launchers. 

 

 

            A large magic carpet - typical of ancient oriental imagery - skimmed by.  With one of its threadbare margins nearer the ground than the other, its starboard tassels dragged along a gutted groove of trees.  And, upon this float -  the actual one bringing up the pageant’s tail - sat Lucy, beckoning the rest of the company to jump aboard.  She frantically pointed at one of the bikes that happened to be free-wheeling (pedals spinning, spokes blurring) into a side road or, at least, a side road that had once been a narrow blind alley to a shop’s backyard or merely an irrigation tunnel turned turtle as well as bottomless.

 

 

            “Mouther Ho!”  she shrieked at the others.  

 

 

            They slumped, they clambered, they skinned their teeth, they clawed their nails and they festooned themselves around by worried tassel and teased fray.

 

 

            The carpet rippled like an intestine down the alley, avoiding rusty ladders and suspended buckets: all the surplus or expelled goods which a shopkeeper might like to season in the rain.  The store’s backyard was an irregular polygon, which boded ill for questers who sought augurs in the cut of a fitted geometrical shape.  The rear door of the shop was yawning like a cake; in went the bike, followed by the rug, Lucy at the helm but Feemy barking directions into her ear.

 

 

            “Backthread driver!” she sneered.

 

 

            The interior of the shop was gloomy, illuminated by the bike’s lamp and a phosphorescent circle far below.  While they watched, the lamp fell in a perfect arc toward the eerie shimmer.

 

 

            A chill updraught of salty air nearly capsized them.  The shop-floor seemed absurdly deep and fluid.  Lucy descended at a gentle rate, hugging the wall of jagged rock which dipped a toe into the darkness.  Snakes and bats played a deadly game of hide-and-seek among the crevices; unused to low temperatures, John Gor’blimeysworth moved closer to Lucy, displacing Feemy, who reached into his pocket and retrieved a lettuce.  Frozen hard, like a polar explorer’s gums, it made a fine tool for fending off snakes which took undue interest in the carpet’s pattern.

 

 

            Godfrey had studied geology in Lima, where he learned all there was to know about limestone; also with the Sandanistas of Nicaragua, experts on sandstone; and with his grandmother in Torbay, the foremost authority on granite; not forgetting Rachel Mildeyes, the living proof that loess exists.   Several perspectives on one discipline gave him a metamorphic edge over his colleagues, who led sedimentary lives.  He knew the fissure was not a purely natural formation.

 

 

            “The shop-floor subsided into the sewers,” he cried, “which in turn collapsed into a metro-tunnel, which broke down into the communication conduits and so on.  Fractured water-pipes flooded the depression, making a subterranean lake inside the store!”

 

 

            A splash indicated that the bike had connected with the water.  Then as eyes adjusted, they saw the pool was full of swimmers, customers from forgotten shopping-expeditions.  They were racing each other to the bike, which bobbed fitfully, kept afloat by the buoyant contents of its now sealed saddlebag.  In the very centre of the lake, other swimmers sat aboard the oldest paddle-steamer Lucy had ever seen, made from galvanised baths and toy windmills, held together by shoelaces and brass screws.  They greeted the arrival of the bike with cheers and applause, beginning an impromptu party to celebrate the visitation.

 

 

            “Aqua-scavengers!” breathed Feemy.  “Pooling their resources!”

 

 

            “I wanna me milk mummy, I wanna me milk mummy,” thcreamed Lucy, suddenly aware of the object of the quest.  Not Mouser.  Not Mouther.  Not even Mother.  Lucy was in desperate search of an erstwhile wet nurse called Mrs Gray, the one who had given succulent suck even until the age when Lucy had begun her own pert breasts.  And this was no part gimmick on Lucy’s party.  Nor was it a random fol-de-rol for a rainbow quest’s dubious end.  This was dead serious.

 

 

            “But, gor blimey, Luthy!” complained Godfrey, his face serious with Sri, beamy with Feemy, critical with critter, carroty and parroty and snakey and cat’s-meaty and pan-fried all at the same time, each toe a lark, each eyeball a softmarine from Paramaribo, each finger a hard-headed puppet, thumbs shiftless blunt-ended polygons, trouser-snake a mere penis, mind just one of many bubbles blown by a carouserful of children with names like Pansy, Chelly and Lettuce.  “Do you mean to say...?”

 

 

            “Yes, Godders old man, I loved Mrs Gray, I adored her, and she is in that saddlebag, a human soul seeking opportunities for outward manifestation despite the death of the body it once co-habited.”
            “But the tail hanging out of...?”

 

 

            “Merely a loose end.”

 

 

            And Lucy pinched her nose as she ducked under the water searching for an air pocket, each of her clay frontages with a nipply beak eager for a taste of either justice or coriander.  Godfrey Fitzworth, losing blasphemous qualities one by one, found a torn and empty envelope upon his person and dried his tears upon it, blotting the address in the process.  He saw, in the pan-Surinamese distance, other questers still in search of a whisper from a lisp.  Or a ley-line shark ploughing through geomantic anglefish.  Or a vegetarian whisker on a sprout.  Or a precisely blurred cartilaginous carving of ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Most memories are false, but when I am faced with the only true memory, which is death, I have then no need for it.”  (From Rachel Mildeyes’ AUTOBIOGRAPHY, posthumously published on 20 August 1990 as revised and completed by Allen Ashley and HP Lovecraft)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted at 10:33 am by Weirdmonger
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THE QUEST OF THE MOUTHER (pt 1)

THE QUEST OF THE MOUTHER

 

 

A collaboration with Rhys Hughes first published in 'Visions' 1997 

 

 

 

 

 

"He is incorruptibly, deliberately cold, as required by the temperament of precision; but beyond this quality, everything else in him is indefinite."  From THE MAN WITHOUT QUALITIES by Robert Musil.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Is that a parrot in your pocket?" Lucy lisped, "or are you just pleased to seed me?"

 

 

            It was a question which coloured Godfrey's cheek crimson: a blush which, combined with his green shirt and yellow cravat, turned him into a macaw himself. 

 

 

            He stuttered, "It's a parrot actually, though I do have an erection in my other pocket.  My back pocket, that is."

 

 

            Raising a plucked eyebrow, Lucy continued, "well, I've always fancied a cockatoo."

 

 

            A restrained lady, she forbore from further puns about peckers and nuts.  These lingered unsaid, and unlicked, on the Surinamese air, humid as hot marshmallow, sticky as maté tea spilled on an anaconda.

 

 

            Godfrey clutched his groin and announced, in a shrill voice:  "Put the cleaver down, cocoa bean.  Not on your life, you've plumbed my wife.  Just a dalliance, wasn't my idea.  Foul rascal liar!  Don't cut it off, it's the only one I've got.  A chopper for a chopper.  Leave me alone, there goes my bell-end..."

 

 

            Lucy stood with arms on hips and sighed.  Godfrey was muttering, "Shut up!" to his lower regions.  He hopped and strutted and grimaced; his coat flapped like wings.  Was this the true parrot fashion?

 

 

            "Godfrey, who the hell you talking to?" thaid Lucy, taking up the envelope he proffered as soon as her lips unparaphrased a password about a pocketeet.  The air was then one huge chicken-wing that fantailed outwards, crowing drunkenly that it belonged to a god who could make feathers speak easy.

 

 

            "Don't worry, it's only small talk," announced Godfrey, whose cheek was a deeper shade of crimson as he ducked under yet another wing the air had become.  "Just open the envelope, and we can see where the trail leads."

 

 

            "All well and good having a trail, but a trail to be a trail needs a pearl and a dean..."
            "Nobody said it's a shiny fossil that we're after beyond Surinam's Crest or even a dog collar.  Only a random quest knows where its rainbow ends."

 

 

            Lucy, hitching her pencil skirt to the stocking-tops, slit the envelope upon a sharpened suspender-belt clip.  But before she could read the enclosed yellow parchment, the air itself flew into the sky with a cackle.  And both Godfrey and Lucy donned their face masks. 

 

 

            "It takes a good deal of pluck..." Godfrey began, wondering if his Pan image was marred by a mask that was identical to his real face.  One good thing, his privates were communing quietly together now, since even pube talk needed air.

 

 

            They eventually decided to push on through the forest, which was already choking

 

 

in the vacuum.  A clearing opened round them, as the vegetation withered and died.  In the centre of the widening circle hovered a yogi, oily and wise and rather spicy among the wrong Indians.  He wore a goldfish bowl on his shaved head, full of water and fish.

 

 

            Using sign language, Lucy said: "He looks like Sri Yuvaraj Beliram, the sage of the tilted scales.  He once weighed justice and coriander and found them frying in the balance."

 

 

            Godfrey replied: "But he died two hundred meals ago!  This must be a mirage, some sort of exotic illusion."

 

 

            Lucy silently snapped her fingers.  "Without oxygen there can be no life.  And life is what gives meaning to the passing of time.  Thus we are in a region devoid of time, where the past and future can impinge on the present!  He's certainly no phoney fakir..."

 

 

            The yogi nodded slowly, anxious not to upset the fish, and gestured at the ground below.  In a graceful loop, large lettered cards surrounded him.  Lucy and Godfrey knew at once they formed a sort of Ouija board for a Hindu hoodoo.  So they ganesh'd their teeth.

 

 

            With his thumbs, Sri Beliram flicked cardamon pods onto the letters in deliberate order.  Squinting, Lucy saw they made a sentence: "MY QUEST IS TO CONQUER THE TEMPTATIONS OF THE FISH."

 

 

            "Does he mean flesh?"  Godfrey wondered.

 

 

            "I AM AT ONE WITH COD.  MY SOLE IS FREE FROM HAKE."

 

 

            Lucy sighed.  "Sole?  Does he want to heel us?  I don't understand it.  The past really is another country."

 

 

            Godfrey shook his head.  "No, no, Surinam is the other country.  They do things differently here.  That's worse."

 

 

            Godfrey shook his name, shook his mane, shook his Codfrey, until Lucy couldn't differentiate him from any one of the various miners who were surfacing from the depths of an approximate coal mine.  They were large animal creatures who sported wagging human appendages as well as leonine heads.  The leader was carrying a cage with a dead goldfish in it.

 

 

            "OK, OK, I know it was meant to be a canary," the leader said upon noticing Lucy's mocking finger.

 

 

            The rest of the bunch were struggling to keep their lungs still.  Having them on the outside of their bodies, their lungs looked like perfect pig-bladder moths, except one particular set of custardy lungs displayed the butterfly beauty of its panting wings...

 

 

            Sri Beliram, noticing this fine pair of translucently yellow bellows, aimed a chili bean dart and cast it upon the lamina meniscus of the vacuum.  And it squarely speared the butterfly, thus venting its left ventricle, allowing the breath within to propagate the otherwise expended atoms into a new swansong of air.

 

 

            "Come on, you lot, only a random quest knows its rainbow trouts's end," Sri the yogi said. 

 

 

            Godfrey snatched off his face mask, Lucy straightened her pencil skirt, the critter with the cage snorted at the now blossoming wind and they all followed Sri towards  Lankhmar, with only the tiny gills of Godfrey's trouser-snake keeping time to their steps with wet hisses.

 

 

            They passed from jungle to uplands, a region of ribbon waterfalls which giftwrapped the mountains.  Toothless caves in the young rock led to a sheltered valley where the houses of a rickety town stood on poles in a steaming lake.  There was a market fringing the shore.  In the foggy distance, saurians snapped at gliders.

 

 

            The aircraft were bringing in produce from every corner of the country's pentagonal economy.  Cocoa and lutes from Onverwacht; pepper and bicycles from the towns of Marowijne; priests and submarines from Paramaribo; shoelaces and machetes from the Sipaliwini Reserve on the Brazilian border; radium and jokes from the disputed lands beyond the River Litani and the Tumuc-Humac Range.

 

 

            Godfrey and Lucy browsed stalls while Sri Beliram blew disapproving bubbles in his helmet.  "Something smells fishy," he tutted.  "This is no innocent casbah.  Are we among slavers?"

 

 

            "Yes, yes, a slave-market," nodded a German trader.  "Buy them now, before the morning Jew evaporates."

 

 

            "I'll have a ghetto," squawked Godfrey's parrot.

 

 

            One stall was manned by a potter with the hands of a weaver.  Polite as a polyp, he introduced himself as John Gor'blimeysworth, exiled king of Redonda.  "My ascension was the start of a new era.  But I was deposed and now must sell endings to earn my tea."

 

 

            "Cheer up maté," punned Lucy, inappropriately.

 

 

            The endings in question turned out to be the genuine articles.  They were provided by impatient readers who skip to the climax of this story, looking for rhymes or reasons, and then return to this point to sell the dénouement to the exiled monarch.

 

 

            "I'd like to hear it," said one of the bestial miners.

 

 

            Upon the stall were gathered wax figures, representations of every member of the company, save Sri Beliram, whose image cannot be moulded.  They were connected by strings to the king's fingers and danced to his delicate touch like fevers.

 

 

            The wax images of Lucy, Godfrey and the others were shown standing in front of a tiny stall upon which were smaller figures, which in turn were standing before yet smaller puppets.

 

 

            And so on, and so on, and so on...

 

 

            "That's not the ending, that's now!" Godfrey protested.

 

 

            The king of Redonda shrugged.  "Best I can do.  All the ripe endings have been snapped up.  New batch expected tomorrow."

 

 

            The German trader leaned over and said: "A slave-market, just as I told you.  You're condemned to be free!"

 

 

            Another stall was postmarked "THE WEIRDMONGER".  A strange name for a trestleful of cat's meat - with Blasphemy Fitzworth himself beaming behind it running his fingers through sinewy strands and gristly melts.

 

 

            "Cheap shit! Cheap shit!" was evidently Feemy's new Ratnerok salescry instead of his more legendary  GOUT CAT, SPOUT CAT, WATCH THE WHISKERS SPROUT CAT!

 

 

            But, by now, the rainbow cortege had left the market and was heading towards a distant bivouac.  The critter, who had surreptitiously left his canary-cage with one of the stallholders in part-exchange for a soupcon of speech, announced:

 

 

            "Hey, you three, that there place is a harem for scarums!"

 

 

            Lucy was beside herself: 

 

 

            "Men are beasts!  That's all they can think about.  Sex and more sex!"

 

 

            Sri Beliram, who had changed his name by inferral to Lankhmar in honour of the quest, was slightly more together, when he responded:

 

 

            "A harem, yes, but one in which it looks as if  the breasts fly around like birds."

 

 

            Godfrey shrugged.  For him, autonomous breasts were a smidgin more frightening than they they were enticing.  The king of Redonda, whose harem it was, noting Godfrey's squeamishness, said: "But it's a great sport clay-breast shooting..." but not before Godfrey had interrupted with: "Ah, I see, they're only clay ones,  so perhaps we can mould them into Sri Lankhmar's shape..." until he was himself interrupted by the sight of several pigeon-chested women beckoning to them from inside the approaching harem-aviary.

 

 

            By now, the critter, the parrot, Lucy, Godfrey, Sri Lankhmar, the king of Redonda, Feemy Fitzworth, not to mention the trouser-snake, were more timid than toe-larks, having seen that the faces on the harem's loose-limbed lovelies were puppets being tugged by hair into grimaces. 

 

 

            One even had whiskers.

 

 

            "Mouser!" ejaculated the king with a surge of recognition.  "Your chest is nothing but a front!"

 

 

            The said Mouser pulled another face.  It was a godawful world where just about any quest was enough for him to follow.  But, in his case, to follow was to be instrumental in actually leading them away from the ending they would have otherwise reached.  Harem in tow.

 

 

            Unknown to all, including Lucy, Lucy misheard his name as Mouther.

 

 

            All the same, they allowed themselves to be enticed into the womb of the bivouac, which was a marquee shaped like a flaccid dodecahedron, the most perfect of the Platonic solids.  When they entered through the air-lock, their bodies increased the inner pressure just enough to make the sides of the tent stand rigid.

 

 

            "I prefer making love in a tetrahedron," said Lucy.

 

 

            "I prefer making love in an allotment," said Feemy.  "I like fresh, young lettuce."  He licked his horrid lips.

 

Continued here: http://weirdmonger.blogdrive.com/archive/199.html

 

===============================

Posted at 10:28 am by Weirdmonger
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Wednesday, November 22, 2006
The Apocryfan (17)

The Summer was hot that Summer.  It was indeed that Summer.  You know the one, when all the lawns and park swards were seared yellow, even the compartments of countryside competing to outdo each other with variations on the screaming spectra of rapeseed and baked beaches.

 

Only the sea remained true to its own description as bleached blue.

 

And walls were fried like egg-yolk left to harden on plates by lazy washers-up.

 

At the entrance to the baguette shop near the pier, the building's sandstone was bleached where the shape-sized lintel support itself was now emptied by the same shape that many remembered as being there but not quite what it was.

 

The boy who had once painted this newly missing 'thing' off-site within Mr Socrates' erstwhile classroom at the demolished Bonnyville junior school walked past.  It was impossible to tell whether his eyes shifted to the side surreptitiously to check on the effect of any presence frustrated by the imposition of absence.  Inscrutable, as the very notion of perception clouded by mismemory or mistelling.

 

Other colours invaded the town towards the heart of that summer. 

 

The white of a supermarket's bedraggled biodegradable bags. 

 

The spattered red of the memory sacs.  The blood covering the body of Denise Dumond as it swagged between two carriages of the 'train'. 

 

And yes things with intrinsic colours like the blue of not only the 'train' but also the electrical magnetism of the sea mists around the horizon's 'twin peaks'.

 

The white flesh of the snoutfish on Smee's slab.  He had returned to Bonnyville quite as inexplicably as his departure had been full of confident surmising.  Adrian was no longer his co-boatman, as Adrian had bigger fish to fry … on the 'Glittenburier'.    Smee fished single-handedly now amid the seahumps.  The totems of all modern childhoods.  Except there were few such left in the dried out womb of Bonnyville.

 

The purple of day-trippers' faces pertaining to cardiac arrest should they holiday too conscientiously.  Even the Summer Visitor herself bore her own colour.  So yellow she couldn't be seen against the grass or beach she alternately sun-bathed on.

 

Finally, the pinkness of a basted, bloated circus tent or loose-strung portakabin in the fleshy shape of a huge creature waddling porkily to its site on the park's yellow sward under the hands of its pitchers and minders.  All in church dome hats.

 

Not a circus tent, in actual fact, as it turned out, but the temporary police HQ for the murder enquiry.

 

CONTINUED HERE: http://elizabethbowen.fortunecity.com/blog/entry8.html

 

====================

 

Posted at 02:34 pm by Weirdmonger
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Monday, November 20, 2006
Baffle (26)

As close as one comes towards using confusion or obfuscation as methods of filtering, the further one stays beyond the last vent or flap making the baffle.  The fable is just the letters mixed up and its moral the f-word.

Posted at 08:26 pm by Weirdmonger
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Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Baffle (19)

Baffle fenestration is a very complex method used within literary catheters.  Without it, the filter is in danger of working both ways.  And I would be very much depleted by you reading this.  As it happens, with the correct baffle in position, you are the one who is very enriched.  And I stay proof against your reading attack.  Thank God for Baffles!

Posted at 10:19 pm by Weirdmonger
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Sunday, November 05, 2006
Baffle (11)

Even dincopated music flows with unexpected predictability.  It is as if music knows what is going to happen before it happens.  I just hummed a tuneless tune, in the hope it would not commit me to its astrological harmonics.  I wonder if I shall crack its coda or fathom how it made me dance to its tune.  Music is fiction injected straight into the vein.  Jerking like a puppet in the silence.

Posted at 09:28 pm by Weirdmonger
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Wednesday, November 01, 2006
The Apocryfan (8)

 

CONTINUED FROM:  http://weirdmonger.mindsay.com/the_apocryfan_7.mws

 

 

Midwinter in the area of the world where Bonnyville is situated is generally considered to be January 18th, taking into account the positioning of the Christmas period (e.g. light-scarcity syndrome relief, some light heartedness factors of Yuletide etc.) and the various average weightings of weather conditions throughout the centuries, plus some astrological harmonics far more complex than any mere Sun Sign considerations that popular newspapers publish.

 

On that day during the particular longueurs of the Winter in question, a man dressed as a bedraggled Santa Claus, staggered through a  snowstorm, a remarkably heavy one bearing in mind the relatively high average temperature of the earlier stages of the season.  He was still dressed as Santa Claus because he found himself with no other clothes to wear after disporting himself in the ‘Sixpenny Queen’ for a children’s party a few weeks before.

 

He had been trying to re-locate the chalet bungalow with the sartorially generous dustbin outside it … but – despite knowing Bonnyville like the back of his hand – he had not exactly recalled the directions of reality or dream that had first led him there as the Winter Visitor.  Even when he had been Adrian Paliser, as opposed to the Visitor, there had been doubts as to the sense of his own direction or as to the provenance even of a forgotten person with only an inch of profile left in his dimpled pint-glass.

 

Claura had only given him a merest glance as he left the pub with undignified haste, having been found with no presents in his sack, only junk mail he hadn’t yet delivered.

 

Becoming Adrian somehow prevented him from being the Winter Visitor any longer – even masquerading as such – because he had been in Bonnyville too long.  His sojourn had even outlived the Prime Minister’s long-fought parliamentary Marine Offences Act that had served to denude the high seas of all radio masts.

 

Perhaps, after all, Adrian and the Visitor were quite separate existences.

 

He suddenly stumbled into a strange area of town where he had perhaps been before which, with some paradoxical stretching of the truth into wishful thinking, meant he might now rediscover the chalet bungalow.  Instead, the roads didn’t look right except for fulfilling the slightly more relaxed rules of partial recognition.  One alley was yards from where it should be.  One bungalow chimney had three aerials instead of one (heavy-duty aerials tantamount to full-blooded transmitters rather than simple aids to receiving terrestrial TV).  As Santa Claus, he rather despised all chimneys in modern times, as they seemed blocked either at top or bottom – or both.  Junk mail rather than soot.

 

Indeed, there was one completely new ginnel that separated two rows of terraced houses and their outside toilets by a mere few yards of cobbles, now stacked with fresh dusk-stained snow in the shape of crystallised bead-crumbs.  He laughed at his own conceit.

 

Down this ginnel he found parked the blue ‘train’ that – during the Summer months – gave rides along the lower promenade.  He had often wondered where it was kept in the off-season.  Common sense meant it had to be somewhere.  So why not here?

 

He remembered Claura’s words in his mind as he walked along its snow-strewn length:

 

“They bloody plonk that train-ride thing at the back of my house during the winter!  I’m sure it breeds rats by the sound of it.  Sure it’s not really allowed to be there…”

 

At the time, he had only half-listened to her ‘pub talk’.  He rarely listened properly any more to anyone.  He only nodded and asked the time.

 

As he passed beside the train, on that fateful 18th day of January, a frost-bitten hand suddenly stuck out from one of the carriages and offered him a hand. The back of it was fanned out like interleaved mock marble or flock wallpaper or mosaic laws.

 

 

CONTINUED HERE: http://weirdmonger.livejournal.com/2006/10/28/

 

===================

 

 

Posted at 02:56 pm by Weirdmonger
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Thursday, October 19, 2006
Yesterfang 3

Part II

 

 

The Pest Of All Worlds

 

Peter Brueghel was the most perfect of his century; this could be denied only by the ignorant, by a rival, or by someone knowing nothing of his art. He was taken from us while still in his full manhood. I hardly know whether to incriminate death, which perhaps thought him old enough, considering the matchless talent it had observed in him; or whether Nature feared to see herself disdained, since he had imitated her with so much art and talent.

-- from Ortelius' funeral oration for Peter Brueghel

 

 

When the stranger's mangled body turned up amid some fast growth by undergrowth, Proustians scratched their heads in wonderment and worry.  Most strangers simply passed through the city and were never seen again.  Egg and Congo were normally far more discreet about their conquests and rivalries-in-love.  This case could cause a scandal – noised even as far as the snow-line itself.  So they decided to export the problem to the very place where – if it got to hear about the true circumstances of the stranger's demise – most recrimination-by-law would be at its most severe for Proustians such as Egg and Congo … and for those authorities who turned a blind eye to the activities of Egg and Congo.

 

Sending the body there – with brazen disregard for the possible repercussions of so doing – would hopefully divert any suspicions towards other parties … even to the extent that, when History eventually turned its eye to these times, blame may well be attached to the place that received the body rather the one that sent it.

 

So, with due decorum to the backdrop of music from Parsifal, the funeral procession proceeded from Proust City towards snow-line London where, it was rumoured, the body-when-a-person had started life as its first memory … beyond the reputed blades that spun within the emptiness that preceded initial consciousness.  Only a few managed to reach that stage of exifugal incarnation.  Nobody knew what happened to those who were caught by the blades and scattered to every corner of emptiness.  Perhaps they lived as ghosts, not bodies.  But these, again, are concerns of wonderment and worry that beset us all, not only Proustians.  And if there is nobody to wonder or worry, then the wonders and worries soon disappear, as they did that fateful day of eschatology and burial.

 

The white vulture, so typical of the skies above such processions, continued to hover ominously as the caravan – of men on wheels and on beasts, some on foot, others on hoof, some carried like bodies to keep the real body company – entered the incipient snowcrust near London.  It was an intrinsically solemn sight, even though many uninvolved spectators thought it to be a circus in transit between pitches.

 

Rather than become bogged down in rutted yellow slush that indicated a premature big-freeze often prevailing at the cusp of no-snow and snow, key processioners took the body on their shoulders and advanced into the city with their burden before the full onset of a widening winter.  The others would either freeze into white-impacted sculptures (that no worms could penetrate) or cuddle enough to wreak warmth from fabricated love: legends for History to pick up (or not) at its whim.  Fiction washes its hands of them.

 

*

 

There is a famous painting that depicts a funeral service in the snow, between the smooth sloping walls of white redoubts constructed upon or supported by  the skeletons of ancient churches.  The body is being lowered into a hole evidently deeper than the snow itself.  Lowered, too, are the heads, of those that watch.  One art historian has propounded that most bodies of that age were simply buried in snow, as the snow never melted and was as deep as any normal earthen-grave in snowless climes.  Why this body needed to be buried even deeper than the snowbed remained a mystery about which the painter had not given any clues in his or her design by subtle or blatant symbol. But who knew how subtle?  And, by the false perspectives of the painting's design, who knew how deep?

 

One spectator threw a touching memento into the pit, fleetingly glimpsed before it was closed up with further snowfall.  It was not a moving picture.  How indeed can the images in a painting move?  But many critics praised the skill of conveying the illusion of movement in the throwing arm.

 

The painting was taken for granted, in the same way as many famous paintings in galleries worldwide have simply existed by being hung there.  It was later believed to be a late Brueghel.  Only to be further superseded by  theories that it did not exist at all except in a fiction about other fictions.  But exist it surely did by dint of faith in existence by description.  And if it exists, someone must have painted it.  No point in theorizing otherwise.  Its residual fame rests upon the illusion of the throwing arm being demonstrably shown as having been achieved by only one brushstroke.

 

 

***

Exactly when the stranger's slow deep burial happened – by London snow with many similar strangers bowed in attendance – another burial took place among the mounds of Sutton Hoo within Deben's view.  Which came first, the burial or the mound?  All is for the pest in the pest of all possible worlds.

 

And all burials join hands across the land.

 

They had dragged an ancient boat from the river – still wet, raw and planky – and, by means of a feat not dissimilar to Stonehenge, transported it with dire difficulty through its own ploughed furrows and planted it as the future's rounded grassy swelling to serve as the body's final resting-place, along with all the necessaries and curios and hanging-bowls with which any superstitious  death, in those days, was gifted … likely remnants of artefacts for future art-lovers to cherish as funerary arrangements towards the day that they, too, might survive the encroaching pest.

 

And the gas bubbles in the blood by inverse disbleeding of a vampire is the nearest one can approach what happened next.  Although it didn't.

 

Amid the merging mulch of boat-boards, the body's still intact gold-buckled belt was all that remained of the curios in the stranger's grave and of the stranger's body itelf  (other than its residual cancerous substance not dissimilar to the muck that modern household drains collect if left uncleaned for long) … and the archaeological excavation that had revealed this fact became, in turn, the exhumation of the darkest fears already harboured within the minds of the diggers so slowly digging.  Young eager modern hearts felt, in turn, as if they had become a fulsome form of inward fizzing flatulence that no amount of bodily vents could possibly expel, even given the dawning fact that filters could work both ways.   

 

The gold-buckled belt's unique clip device was designed in such a clever way (presumably to prevent grave-robbing) that the only possible method to have opened it for removing the belt from the waist was for the wearer to have first breathed in. 

 

 

***

The bank of computers was flickering and some screens showed the same screen as others, others not.  There were only two operators: both women, one black, one white: pretty as well as at their prettiest age.  They had continually to change seats rather than take advantage of any network.  The set-up was ostensibly ultramodern with sleek flatscreens and optimal programmes, whilst retaining the appearance of being antiquated, with feeder-consoles of too much weight and size ... and programmes that were never quite fast enough to fulfil their promise as the slickest or latest.  The two women were clicking furiously into many Search Engines for the word 'burial'.  And half the screens in use at any one time were in a variable state of freezing (even crashing) whilst the search widened to every corner of the known web.

 

"The one in Hoo had no yester-pod planted with it at all," said one woman, with too much of an air of studied inwardness for the other to be able to articulate it back to herself.  Neither wanted to disturb the concentration of the other. "There was a mask buried … hmmm … a yellow face-mask that nobody found during the initial excavation…"

 

Eventually, as each Engine fizzled to a halt – its hits done – their conversation became more animated and interactive.  A music with its own conductor.  The  two one-sided conversations had been more like 'avant garde' configurations of sound with no meaning at all when laid  across each other like transparencies of talk.  Now, later, they knew what each wanted to say and what each wanted to hear in reply.

 

"Did you know before that there was an Engine for the pest?"

 

"And for the past!  'In Search of Lost Time'. 'Remembrance of Things Past'. Titles like that - or there or thereabouts.  But, even so, I agree it's difficult to access archives that never existed at the time simply because the web hadn't even been invented when they were first created."

 

"That doesn't stop us trying!"

 

"I found a completely white site with just the burial mound itself delicately picked out towards the middle like a geometrical figure.  I dug into it like this…" (and she prodded with the mouse several times upon its mat) "… and, see, the body had gone.  But the pod was still there.   The ground was bubbly, little yellow eruptions of gas.  No smell on the site.  Not sure this computer can find smells.  But yellow does seem to be an important colour in this whole thing."

 

"You're right.  I found another site where I saw things as they actually happened in real time via a webcam.  Houseboats on a yellowish creek.  But the church had no grave mounds so I didn't bother to search further there.  But, then, I had a brainwave ... a long pier-like structure stretching out into the cold-looking haze did give me the idea that in this particular case it could have been a burial at sea!  Had you thought of that?"

 

"Not really.  It can't be called a burial, can it, if you just drop the body into the sea?  And we'd have to fish around forever just to find the pods!"

 

"There are places where the sea and beach sort of mingle like a yellowy soup.  If the body's dropped in a place like that then it would be a burial of sorts, wouldn't it?"

 

"I suppose so."

 

"Oh, one thing I keep meaning to ask – do all these burials need to have happened at exactly the same time to count?"

 

"I'd've thought so.  Can't you move the webcam to look at the sky, try and do it with your mouse and see if there are sea-gulls flying or vultures?"

 

"I could give it a try.  But what would that prove?"

 

"It was mentioned in training, wasn't it?  If you see a vulture, dig deeper to see if the body has wormed itself specially deep from what it sees as danger.  Even if it has become a vampire already, it still fears the white fang.  It needs to make the fang a thing of the past by entering a different time zone, and the easiest way is by means of 'antipodal angst'.  I think that was the expression."

 

"There are too many expressions they didn't explain properly during training."

 

"Hmmm – I sometimes wonder if there is not a webcam 'trained' on us!  Or if there is someone even at this moment 'digging' for us! Excavating for excavators!"

 

Their conversational music degenerated into girlish laughter.

 

 

***

It didn't go anywhere.  A bedrock whereby no body could have escaped except upwards. The body must still be there buried like a ghost with the visible remains of its cancer making it seem if it was buried forever with the cause of the body's death itself outlasting it.

 

"Hey!  There's nothing here except stinky muck!" shouted an eager student girl, commissioned to discover the tomb of the unknown soldier.

 

Her boyfriend gave her an excited kiss on the cheek as they playfully managed to cordon off the area of the digging as soon as they realised that this could be an important historical site.  Then they scooted off to find the professor so that he could give the grave his imprimatur of archaeological provenance.

 

"Is it Hiver Jawn himself?" asked another girl meeting them halfway.

 

"Yes, it could be."

"All the burials were for the same person, the same body," a loner student shouted across the field with a degree of impatience, being a stern clump-eyed individual who was jealous that he had not stumbled upon the find himself.  Knowledge made him unknowledgeable with the confusion caused by frustration that others were less knowledgeable than him.  Nobody knew his name.  But he was a student that everyone thought everyone else knew.

 

The students gabbled. There were several theories about vampire-killers and how each version of Jawn (having visited several writers' sites with their own stories to tell about him) was buried at different stages in his life from along the fictional spectrum that had been set up variously within and without mutual consultation between those responsible for each slant on his supposed existence.  A spectrum of death without the earlier life to support any subsequent death at all, let alone a spectrum.  It made more sense to those willing to widen their brainstorming to contain nonsense as well as the deeply serious repercussions of not brainstorming at all.

 

Each tomb or hive or pod or egg were dropped one by one in a 'paper-chase' of muckheaps along a yellow brick road … leading from clue to clue towards darkest Africa, counting each forgotten footstep from Congo to Zanzibar as if each were an earth-embedded beacon to light the future … downward if not along.

 

Away from the city after which he was named (or vice versa), Rider Haggard galloped upon a wild stallion of flying hooves towards the towering rough-hewn stone-carving that was his own gnarled and barren face overlooking, like a mountain, King Solomon's Mines themselves.  Dive-bombed by vultures whiter than the blazing sunless sky.  And She-who-must-be-obeyed stalked into view, holding the youngest version of Jawn that had managed to remain unburied.

 

"Welcome, Rider, to the next stage," she-called-She said.  "The hunting and hounding of the dreaded pest in the motor of carcinomal disease.   The God in the Machine.  Deus ex machina.  Tabula Rasa with no easy ready blank to scrawl over. Here…" (and she indicated the latest Jawn to be unhived) "…we have the hero you can call your own to use as you wish with words if not deeds.  The best pest-hunter of them all.  Just seek out Lovecraft and Poe and other writers of Horror in their namesake cities to accompany you towards this worthy goal that all worlds will thank you forever more for trying to do than for not doing at all because you knew you'd fail."

 

In ripping yarns, there were no diseases at all.  This would be no ripping yarn.  No boyhood adventure.  This was a story built on muckheaps rather than imagination.

 

And  Rider  took Jawn from the black lady … and, then, as man and boy, mounted on steeds that snickered at even the slightest whisper in their pointed ears, they both set out to find the cities where writers factored in the same cities to help hold our future bones in sacred literary groves growing skeletons not trees.  Cities of Fiction.  Cities that hid the pest.  As well as the past itself.  The pair of them needed to exhume every trope till they reached the pest – a pest not nesting at the core-of-things (where the angel megazanthus was meant to nest) but on the edge – at the periphery – along the circumference – where we writers already worked around it without recognising it as the pest.  Till the Coming of Jawn.

 

Jawn thought Rider resembled a man he had once forgotten forever.  But Jawn was now too young to have ever known him in the first place.  Or till later.  And the question remained – would he be able strictly to remember someone he had not yet been able to forget?

 

And the young students, still gabbling, eventually reached the professor who smiled at their crazy brainstorming.

 

 

***

The haggard-faced comrade-in-arms for a young impressionable man now grown slightly older than the boy whom she-called-She had transferred so lovingly (as a mother would) into the man's care, was intimated, within past passages, to be Congreve, but nobody, including Congreve, knew he once was Congreve, except the words themselves stating the fact. The nobody-words that nobody read.

 

Any relevant memories had vanished piecemeal into the open sky because there were no restraining burial keeps to keep them together in an understandable form. And the various vultures themselves had ignored the passage of memories floating away beyond even their own side-eyes' soaring scrutiny.

 

Memories needed a present as well as a future to exist at all.  And this was already the past. And so Congreve and Jawn  no longer sought the past, because the past was here – here and now.

 

"Jawn,", said Congreve, with a smile, as their two steeds cantered side by side, "we shall call it our quest for the pest – no longer a quest for the past, not a search for lost time nor a remembrance of things past, because that stuff's old hat, because the true past, once accomplished, once lived, once forgotten, is a past that's marched too far for any quest to reach.  So we gradually change the past, by changing the purpose of the quest itself.  With this success in neutralising the past with altered goals beyond its own reach, we now seek the pest instead, the pest we should always have sought if it had not been for the similar words confusing us … so that we can then eventually quench the pest's poison and stymie its eternally foreseeable ability to bleed mankind dry with its cancers and other diseases of mind and body…"

 

Congreve laughed.  This was a speech he had learned from a book.  Jawn joined in the laughter, without understanding why.  He just enjoyed the comradeship simply for what it was – and for the sense of boyhood adventure. It mattered little what or whither the quest itself.

 

Congreve continued: "…and we need to gather forces from the dark imaginations of world literature to work with us as counter-spies or clandestine triple bluffs and so forth against the pest that already believes it has got them in its own pocket working against us!"

 

Jawn wasn't listening.  He watched the distant horizon as his own particular tutelary vulture created a rorschach blot with a meaningful twist of shape indicating a doom that – like Congreve's words – Jawn failed to understand.

 

He simply thought he once had memories of this man he now knew as Rider stolen from him – and Jawn had once been to the police to report these memories missing and the police told Jawn that they could not do anything about it since, as far as they could tell, no crime had been committed.

 

*

 

The police needed to be called to any archaeological site whereby it was considered that a human burial had been performed … so as to establish whether a crime had been committed.  The student couple who had initially dug the site in question stood around together as the forensic team erected a cordon around their own earlier cordon.  Others stood in the vicinity, including the clump-eyed student by his own  … and the professor himself stood talking to the policeman supervising the whole operation.

 

It was tableau vivant, a carefully positioned scene for a screen.

 

And, judging by later reports, a crime scene indeed.  One that was dramatically stolen from the yellow rushes on the cutting-room floor.

 

 

***

 

 

As the pair of horses cantered towards a hotter, more Iberian aspect of horizon, young Jawn saw the silhouettes of many windmills slowly twirling like toys that twirled to entertain babies in their prams on dry windless days, like this day.  The tussocks were hustled by an even drier windlessness than the parchment of Jawn's throat.  Windlessness with a motion it should not have possessed.

 

"What are those?" asked Rider, his rough-hewn face squinting to see exactly what he thought his horse couldn't see between its blinkers.

 

The windmill-sails were whickering and tilting between intermittently frozen frames of an ill-focussed camera. 

 

"They're giants for us to slay," laughed Jawn, whose saltiness of wit had grown in recent years as speedily as his limbs.

 

"Don't joke me, young'un, or I'll have to spank you come camptime!" said Rider, chortling under his breath.  Today he was more Wycherley than Congreve, more Lope de Vega than Cervantes, and his wit knew no bounds, instinctively literary as it was.  In fact, both of them had grown accustomed to outdoing each other with Godgiven words.

 

"When do we reach the city of Poe?" asked Jawn, eventually, as they now cantered between the very windmills themselves, the wheeling groans of sound now audible and the sizes now larger than giants indeed on either side upon the burning terrain, yet still not focussed in shape enough for Rider's tired eyes.

 

"We reach Lovecraft first.  Next week.  Then Poe in about three months."

 

"I hope I don't need to undergo the test of the cigarette-smoking whores, when we get to Lovecraft!" snapped Jawn, misunderstanding the meaning of the city's name.

 

"Nope, young'un," said Rider, surprised that  Jawn had even heard of such practises.  Rider had accepted that Jawn wasn't inclined the way he was himself, but he loved the young man none the less, and often enjoyed (in a semi-erotic way) simply teasing him with the description of peccadilloes he knew would never be taken up by the young man.  Rider would never harm a hair on the young man's head.  He would die for the young man rather than see him harmed.  He knew how important Jawn was to the final vanquishment of the pest.  But, even so, despite this sacred destiny, Rider was so intrinsically fond of Jawn he would have climbed to fetch the top brick of the world's tallest chimney if Jawn had wanted to have that brick.  A simple relationship.  But strangely complex, too.

 

"What is the pest, Rider?" asked Jawn.

 

"Many have their theories," replied Rider inscrutably.

 

This was not the first time Jawn had asked this question.  Never with a satisfactory reply. But, today, whether it was the influence of the giant wheels that spun like hazy corrosions of magnets-made-more-tenuous-than-metal barely beyond the corners of each eye or whether it was a general sense that Jawn was now (in the last split second) old enough to know more about the nature of the pest, Rider continued:

 

"The pest is many things.  It's what the world faces.  Things that already exist.  Cancer.  Madness.  Bird Flew.  Tyranny. Screening.  Religions. And there are other things I dare not broach for fear of bringing them into existence for the first time by merely speaking their names. And a hero-warrior is being created for each world that acts as the transparency for the next world and so on...  You are to be that hero we need for each world but you can't be in more than one place at the same time, so we need to bend time and reality and so forth by the means of fiction, imagination, music, painting, panoply, ceremony, words-that-mean-more-under-the-surface-than-they-mean-above-it, with the help of all the creative artists and literati and genre-workers that have always existed and thereby turning them into geography and conurbation. We need to bury you and unbury you in those terrains till the true hero is crystallised as each transparency fits neatly into place one above another…"

 

Rider had now lost Jawn, as Rider had lost himself.  Rider was slowly becoming as blurred mentally as he was visually.  But, even so, he gathered his thoughts, as he started talking of another version of Jawn already known to those working behind the scenes on this project in mudhut or computer-room (to give two extreme examples) – perhaps an earlier version of Jawn, one who had turned himself into a disguised form of yellow gas within the margins of the world in an honest, helpful, entirely heroic act of infiltrating (unnoticed) the evil chambers where other forms of gas were used to create the extinction of various races who cowered there at the behest of the pest.  Yet a new version of the pest had inadvertently been created as an unwanted spin-off of this brave act of heroism as the gas in question which was used as a disguise for this undercover operation was a form of slowly ignitable gas: a pest greater than any of the other pests so far identified as being a constituent of the archetype pest itself: and this constituent pest, thus accidentally created, was called global warming.  A dire pest.  Soon to be the pest.

 

Jawn shrugged as Rider tried to explain all this to the satisfaction of both of them.  They finally laughed (when Rider heartily slapped the younger man on the back from horse to horse) and they looked forward to that evening's camptime when they could rest both mentally and physically.  Rider with a wry smile and a deep affection.  Jawn with a gauche anxiety about he knew not what.

 

The windmills - in a new distance behind instead of in front - still audibly whickered in the windless heat.  Nobody had wondered how they turned at all.

 

 

***

 

 

The campfire lit up a fraction of dark purple sky stained by the slowing fading shadows of wings and things.  Rider meditatively spooned into his plate of beans and softly farted.  Jawn's face was the only face visible in the flickering yellow light. He smiled at the older man's uncouthness.  He thought of blind girls scurrying across a forgotten floor on all fours.  Must once have been a dream, he deemed.  He wondered if they still carried a flame for him.

 

"Tell me more, Rider."

 

"Well, when a hero seeks himself as the same but different hero who would set the world on fire…" (Rider glanced bristlingly at the campfire as if that were symbolic of a deeper more insidious heat destroying mankind) "…it will be like a writer seeking his own imagination so as to kill it because that imagination has damaged both itself and the person who owned it and used it to forge fables that have come back to bite him."

 


Jawn nodded.  For once, both protagonists understood the drift of the conversation between them.  A deep message had passed between them.  The most important message of all.  Until they passed on to more tangential matters.

 

"The burial at Sutton Hoo?  Was that the work of imagination?" asked Jawn.

 

"Yes, probably.  Bruegel's Hunters in the Snow, too, if the truth were known."



The night vaguely squawked around them.  Neither noticed, so intent was the passage of words.

 

"What about Glaston-Bury?"

 

"My guess is that was real.  The hero was buried in a ship called Glittenburier which still has some provenance in history as a rigger and it (with the body in it) was lowered into the earth to form the Torless mound in hindsight.  That was when the gas disguise was sort of started, because someone told the authorities that millions were still trapped in death chambers following the war waiting to be gassed.  And again no pod to help us, not even the tiniest yester-egg buried with him. The damage was done.  But not too late, I hope, to salvage something.  We must hurry tomorrow.  And rest less, Jawn."

 

Jawn nodded.  The night was finally silent as they both slipped into slumbrous firelight.  Ruined ruins haunted at least one of their dreams.

 

 

*

The clump-eyed student squatted by his own clumsy campfire close to the archaeological site or crime scene.  He, too, pensively munched beans, his narrow pointed face expressionless.  Cold ones as he had nothing to heat them in except the jagged tin and beans cold were just as good as beans hot, he thought.

 

Until the light faded from the flame, he managed to read more of Gulliver's Travels.  This was his Bible.  His belief-system.  Just as real as the real Bible, he thought.  And smiled.  He wished he had company other than the imaginary tinies who squeaked beyond hearing's threshold and often covered his body like equally imaginary insects.  

 

Friendships entailed something more than just existing.  He studied hard.  He had no time for conversations.  He did listen to a ghostly dialogue of dark undertones, however, one that equally died with the dying of the light.  The sense of over-hearing it did not disperse the solitude, however. And sleep slipped the book into a steep slope.   He wouldn't wake till the arrival of real light such as that from the sun and the sound of  cars and slamming doors.  He decided to pretend he wasn't there at all.  And the chief of police did not notice the burnt out remains of the fire or the empty bean tin, even though they were within the police cordon.

 

 

***

Within the emptiness, the slow evolution of a consciousness – from a dimensionless pinprick of the same emptiness but imperceptibly at variance with the rest of the emptiness surrounding it – passed unnoticed.  That was the uncelebrated beginning of Hiver Jawn.  And during that beginning, he knew not whither or how fast his evolution would take him even beyond that barely acknowledgeable self to another more fibrous self to be crystallised as 'him'-in-potentia.  These eventual contaminants of his existence miraculously avoided the spinning vanes of semi-imaginary sharp-edged windmills-of-'name' inside an equally semi-imaginary machine grinding out its own version of creation towards the as yet deaf ears as well as blind eyes of the you and me that would eventually conceptualise this whole paragraph from beginning to end.

 

*

End was indeed end.  And so the said paragraph was never proved to exist at all.  Certainly not in print.  Maybe in a form of fibrespace more in keeping with the concepts themselves.  Ever chasing our tails, as well as the noumenon.

 

*

Most candidates-for-crystallisation were chopped into grue by the vanes, splattered out of existence.  Millions of budding existants tripped at the very last hurdle upon its razor-top.  It is to be wondered how many millions earlier tripped at the first hurdle. Some few, some very few, managed to survive all the wild grinding crusher-blades and emerge unscathed into the blinking light.  And reach out to the face of their mother, as Hiver Jawn managed to achieve in reaching out to the dark face of his own mother – against all the statistitical odds – and suck the soft milky dug beyond any condemned paragraph's claw-back of even sharper-edged words which – given their abysmal failure to stop him – even now yearn to be unwritten.

 

*

The wordiness saved him.  If it had not been for the texture of the text as a vexed skein of thought which acted as a protection against the blades, then Hiver Jawn would never have seen the same light as we have seen.  Or so it should be claimed by any capable of sufficient power-of-expression and understanding thus to claim.

 

Dreams interfered in this process – some of which were ordinary: about a life of office work and business rivalries and forgotten battles in boardrooms and along motorways.  Childhood.  Child-rearing.  Moving from parts of England to other parts of England.  Guilts and caprices.  This was a life he dreamed of, even lived through, but lost when he finally emerged from the spinning fan, never to regain, never to relive.  A dream itself can be a machine, in transit.  One where the dreamer has to crawl though the sludgy lubricants of dangerously moving parts.  Only after emergence, does the dream return to being a dream.  Meanwhile, it truly had been that machine all along, perhaps.

 

Other dreams were more fantastical, but nonetheless real as any other dream that seemed, at the time of dreaming it, more real.  The dream of Dream Sickness was the most fantastical of all.  Perhaps, therefore, the one that was most real.  The only truth is paradox.  The only texture.

 

 

*

Jawn woke to the embers of the fire, listening to Rider snore like a machine himself.  Despite the heat of day, nights were cold.  Sometimes, snowy even.  And the pair of them had huddled together to cheat warmth into their bodies, a warmth that both possessed separately, but no more warm by being put together. 

 

The sky-line slowly lit.  And Jawn suddenly saw – amid his bleary waking – an unidentified object in the sky … slowly revealing itself, by sight and sound, to be a spinning blade-winged chopper banking against the dawn-sparkling thermals of the air.

 

 

***

The chopper landed with a proud bump rather than even aspire towards an impossible gracefulness.  The pilot – when he clambered from the cockpit with the swooshing blades above his lowered head settling into the merest shimmer of movement-prior-to-rest – was a tall wrinkled man with one large yellow tooth protruding down above his bottom lip.

 

He was punch-drunk and I wondered how he had managed to fly the chopper with his glazed eyes and faltering abilities (as I later discovered) to fend off senility.  But my wonderment and the duration of such discoveries were short-lived as a young lady whom I half-recognised hopped lightly from the cockpit, having been the pilot herself - as she later came to inform me.  She waved a piece of paper in the air as if she had come with a peace treaty.

 

"But we have never been at war," I said, smiling.  Cracking a joke, without really understanding it myself.

 

"I know," she said with a light kiss on my cheek. "This is your short piece of writing entitled 'Value'."

 

I skimmed through the text, re-acquaintaing myself with what I had written in Lewis.  It was even better than I remembered it.

 

She had been my teacher.  We had become co-conspirators against the selves that crumpled when faced with the shyness we both betrayed.  We had evidently been given a second chance to meet.  A second chance to manage each other's affections towards a less clumsy culmination than before.  I called her Softie in honour of her kiss.  No longer dressed in amish black or stiffened by teaching duties, she was now a sweet petal of a girl.  Could it indeed be her?  I convinced myself she was who I thought it to be.  And she surely convinced herself that I was who she thought it to be.  The words I'd written on the paper all those epochs ago seemed to bind us together as the two people we simply knew ourselves to be.  Those earlier words also gave us added value beyond any previous ambitions of transcending ourselves to truly become ourselves.  Not even a tooth fairy between us. We laughed at our earlier false romances with fictional creatures like that.

 

Meanwhile, as Softie and I chatted over the quest for the pest, Yellowfang and Rider (the latter having now stirrred himself from his pit of sleep) were guffawing and slapping each other on the back.  I needed to watch them like a hawk.  They'd be drinking themselves into all manner of pub talk, if the chopper had any alcohol on board.  And what of the quest then?

 

We would certainly be able to reach the cities of Lovecraft and Poe much quicker than we hoped.  But what about our horses?  And was there room for four in the chopper?

 

It was with extreme mixed feelings that I learned the two older men would be proceeding on horseback whilst Softie and I plunged ahead by air.  It was at that precise moment that she told me she was the pilot.  I laughed with joy.  Then I gazed at Rider's face; it wore a grim expression as his eyes explored my body with the lingering thoughts that this may well be farewell.  I read his mind.  How could I not?  It is the drawback of writing this – becoming sad about things one wouldn't otherwise have known about.  That Rider loved me.  That this was the final farewell of many farewells between us.  Even as he kissed me on the cheek I knew this was code for forgetting. 

Posted at 11:37 am by Weirdmonger
Comment (1)  

Yesterfang 4

 

 

(Forgetting) that I'd soon forget missing him.

 

Softie and I banked into the clouds with the churning of the blades obliviously dividing one flank of a vulture from the other. 

 

 

***

 

 

Swift City  was just that.  Everyone in a hurry.  Watched from above scurrying like ants in fast forward to the music of Philip Glass.  Just missing each other and the traffic with which they tried to blend by inches or seconds.  Giant towers in the shape of statues of celebrants in the race of humanity landmarked each corner, each T Junction each roundabout and bend in the road.  Swift by name and method. 

 

Swift, too, by later sarcasm when the whole place slowed down with the ant-people growing bigger, more sluggish and the towers diminished as a religion until a white dot on a just switched-off old TV screen.  The towers had never been swift.  They were steadfast memorials to when the sky was full of birds.  Not only swifts, at that.

 

The cause of the slowing down was a dreaded disease come to haunt the scurriers of Swift City as well as those that became more sluggish and larger with the swellings of the same disease.  It did not kill people.  It simply slowed them up.  They now had time to look up at the giant statues and saw that these towering statues were models of themselves.  They did not wish to grow as sluggish as those steadfast fixtures of an earlier similar race simply scaled up and slowed down.  So they took to scurrying again.  But not for long, as the disease took deeper root in their souls. And in their faith about what life was all about.  Not a rush.  But a doddle.

 

The disease killed the birds because birds could not slow up without falling from the sky.  As they did.  Aircraft, too, piloted by gradually slower and heavier people could not stay up and lowered lower and lower towards the ground as their pilots and passengers and air stewards and stowaways grew even heavier with their own geometrical progression of increasing size and sluggishness, until they, too, crashed-landed with many fatalities that freed up the T Junctions for slow walkers and thin crowds – compared to the mass scurrying that had typified the period when watched from above to the background of fast Philip Glass music.

 

Nobody could get up to the top of the topmost giants to watch from above, any more.  Then as the planes crashed into the towers, these giant statues, modelled on the shape of real people, crashed to the ground also, until there was literally nowhere to watch from above.  The skies were silent.  No birds.  No planes.  Ever again. 

 

The streets slower and more lugubrious.  And minds buried in despond and sorrow as depression set in with the sluggishness and the inability to fast forward.  Pitiful faces lurched from door to door in search of friendship or at least a faith that would make friendship possible.  But not being able to hurry had made this difficult because nobody liked lazy people.  And everyone was lazy.  They renamed the city.  But you can't rename a city because of all the pre-printed stationery, and Swift City it duly remained.

 

Sid was the keeper of the stationery.  He managed to make a meagre living from selling letter paper and envelopes with perfume imbued into their texture.  People now had time to write letters, because any other means of communication or transmission were not possible with the disease affecting even the ability to text each other at a shake of a homing pigeon's tail. 

 

Speed was anathema, however much they loved speed.  The disease made them hate what they loved and love what they hated.  And God tossed and turned in His own bed above Swift City because He was now unsure as to His wherewithal as a God.  He was lazy as the rest of them.  But He had <i>always</i> been that way, expecting others to pray for his speedy attentions knowing all along that prayer would never work with someone as lazy as He knew Himself to be.  Now everyone was lazy, He feared everyone was now their own God.  Praying to themselves at night, instead of Him, because they though miracles could never work in time, so why bother believing in a God of miracles?  Each was now a God unto him- or herself.  Seemed to fit the more sedate and self-seeking ways of Swift.

 

Sid spent much of his time debating which end of a boiled egg to start cracking it open with.  This seemed something people could write letters about with the spread of time like a pool of never-ending slime towards the margins of the city until everyone was stuck like flies in aspic.  The paper he sold seemed more suitable for long-winded philosophical or religious thought such as the noumenon of a boiled-egg and the nature of time itself.  Even God showed up on the pages as a tranche of slow-moving words all tangled up by syntax and over-convoluted grammar.

 

"Hey, Sid, we'll miss you when you've gone," said his doctor whom Sid knew as Lemuel.  Doctors and other important cityfolk were all now known by their forenames as there was no time to reach their surnames.  Over-familiarity no longer bred contempt. It was simply a necessity in such static times.  Life was too long to waste it on too much assiduity towards respect.  Time allowed everyone to become important – eventually.  Or so they had sufficient time to believe.

 

"Why will you miss me, Lemuel?" asked Sid.  He saw that the doctor had arrived all tangled up in string as if he had spent the night trying to unravel himself simply for the sake of solving a puzzle to while away the ever-expanding night.

 

"Well, Sid, with your stationery, we can make paper aeroplanes and skim them like the birds and planes used to do."

 

"Umm...  I hadn't thought about that possibility for a sales drive.  Perhaps I should manufacture stiffened letter-paper for just such a purpose.  I would of course have thought of it myself before long."

 

"I'm sure you would have done, Sid.  Every thought eventually is simply there to be thought.  Still, I'm not a psychiatrist.  I've come to test your blood pressure...  Hold out your arm. I may have to prescribe some pills if it's too high.  Sorry I've taken so long to get round to it, Sid."

 

Too late. At that moment Sid died of a sudden heart attack.  Suddenness was still a possibility in Swift.  And Sid had just suffered from suddenness with a vengeance. 

 

"Lemuel, I hope people don't go on missing me forever," he managed to splutter out before he entered the slow death process that prevented further speech and gradually stiffened the body as if in preparation for erecting on a street corner as a statuesque product of rigor-mortis.

 

At that moment, Lemuel scratched his head in slow amazement as he heard a helicopter crossing the city.  He did not even have time to rush to the window to look at it before it was completely gone, along with its choppy clatter.  And this was despite it giving the impression of slowing down over Swift City for a while. Each clatter of its vanes picked out as a separate moment. It had perhaps slowed up for the occupants to look down on the non-scurrying streets.  Or simply because it was crossing Swift City – and <i>everything</i> was simply slower here, even directly above in the city's territorial skies – a fact that had now been discovered, slowly dawning on the cityfolk when they became accustomed eventually to forgetting that the helicopter had even crossed the city's air space.

 

The street-corner statue of Sid held a stone paper-aeroplane in its hand.  Till even that failed to remind anyone about sky travel.  It simply was a symbol of something far deeper than they had time to fathom. But they never forgot Sid himself.  Lemuel had put a plaque at the foot of the statue saying: "Missing Sid".   For old time's sake.

 

 

***

Against the extensive blue panoply of arching horizons made wider than heaven itself, Softie wildly grappled with the controls, as she was still a relative beginner in managing both to maintain the helicopter's spinning in a straight line and to navigate that same straight line between two points: i.e. towards a point of destination directly under the helicopter's turning shadow of itself from a point of departure where the selfsame shadow had first contracted to its darting sharp-edged configuration of cross-country torque.  Jawn did his best to encourage her, yet teaching himself simultaneously about the art of synergy as derived from his experience of being air-borne for the first time amid the variously converging and diverging forces of balance and mind manipulation needed to be mastered by both of them as  prospective pilot-lights.

  

Sometimes her glance was steely, stern, sharp-etched: revealing reflections of the earlier woman who had instructed him in Lewis; but more often than not there were flashes of a gentle soul, of unmistakeable kindness and beauty and regathered youth all of which crystallised the girl of his heart as well as of his dreams: flashes that gradually merged into a steady beam of mutuality, a beam of untimely yet welcome moonshine blended from an ancient cathedral window's variously pastel-coloured light transfusions cast upon a figurative floor of intricate mosaics.  Numinous moonshine-of-stained-glass into which lambency Softie and Jawn both eventually dipped the aching limbs of the past.

               

 Although neither of them had yet openly divulged a revived feeling for each other, there was a common acceptance in the air that their earlier ham-fisted attempts at relationship had been a fiction or dream that neither could now believe – and their sky-borne synergy was a true waking reality, today, here, now, as they adventured forth across the bouncing blue towards a quest neither understood as well as they understood the budding love for each other that would make any quest not only bearable but achievable.

 

Softie's hesitant hovering – amid the ungodly clatter of misapplied amounts of gas to the power drive – caused them to veer, in nail-biting feats of banking, towards a magnetic force slowly sucking at them from below – one that threatened to draw them into the ground's premature embrace.  They only escaped by the skin of their teeth, having almost clipped one of an unknown city's towers that luckily a fabricated history of disease had foreshortened through a lens of magic-fiction-made-real.

 

"I wonder what they thought," said Jawn  "I can't see how we managed not to crash into that city!"  He was now old enough to call himself a man.  He spoke with a gruff voice.  But remained a boy inside.  He knew not why he had altered the instinctive silent synergy of flight with interference by spoken word.  Childish in the extreme not to be satisfied with silence alone, he thought.

 

Softie did not reply as they soared out of control higher and higher to more rarified strata where neither of them would be able to breathe, let alone talk.  Then as she managed to reverse the upward ricochet, they both could see and recognise tentacle-woven Lovecraft City on the hazy horizon of real land interspersed with separate dancing geysers of yellow gas eventually spraying wider and wider into the mystic form of a quite different moonshine-show than their own earlier metaphor for love.  Unnatural shine.  Unnatural flight.  Softie continued to fight with the controls as they did with her in a mutual give-and-take while the helicopter spun like a cruelly fly-sprayed wasp down down down towards the increasingly choppy waters of a once eternally placid lake close by the city's polypous margins of miasma and frog-spawn.

 

 

***

...down down down ... and the twitching slime of congealed and eel-threaded lakewater-weediness – long turned rancid, if not poisonous –  provided the globe-fish bowl of the inverted chopper's dunking with a green-streaked curtain against a vision of the horror that the seemingly bottomless depths of Lac du Lac harboured within its mud-edged bosom.

 

The huge vanes, churning uselessly in choked rotation, served to discourage further sinking by its entanglements with an associated curtain of squidgy entrailments from various serrated accretions of tendril and rooted lily-pad.  Further below, emerged the huge bulbous eye of Azathoth's mother lurking upon the cusp of depth and depthlessness  – an eye set like an oysterish jewel in a slug-blackened face, an eye, indeed, that mocked not only herself but also her past partial miscegenations with frogs and squid: a congeries of masted relationships that crossed time, space and mud-curds.

 

Whether the more lively tendrils were indeed tentacles and not plant-life was a mystery to Jawn ... or rather an unnecessary irrelevancy as he tried to remove Softie from impalement upon the chopper's joy-stick, with which she had been struggling before crashing into Lac du Lac.  And if they were tentacles, and not tendrils (however immediately irrelevant), were they potentially dangerous?  Probably harmless if they emanated from the polypous sockets of Azathoth's mother with the one pitiful eye... waving like a marine scarecrow rather than a real monster-of-the-deep.  One somehow needed to balance immediate danger with the repercussion of other possible dangers which the avoiding of the immediate danger actually entailed.

 

"Softie, Softie," gurgled Jawn, mixing teardrops and bubbles.

 

She stirred as he delicately tried successfully to extract the joy-stick from her stomach with a bodily plop that failed to signify relief or anguish because it was one of many plops, some more indicative of pain than others.  Could she have smiled?

 

Softie's smile, as smile it surely was, represented Heaven for a man like Jawn who'd never received such a smile before: a truly-meant smile of love where love had not earlier fully blossomed until this very smile.

 

And 'Heaven', here, became the key-word, effectively an intrinsic concept – a click-into-position of various items of misunderstood logic – that furthered the inevitability of a sod's law-of-averages that he would be deprived of such Heaven-in-reality (that few ever attained) by being force-rescued ... thus to await any prospective Heaven with a sad certainty he'd never reach such a state-of-grace again.  Heaven could only come once in a lifetime, he thought – as he felt the chopper abruptly tugged from the lake with the loud ripping asunder of both tendril and tentacle, causing the eye below to turn into a sorrowfully pulsing pulp of pain, simply because the spiky harvest of inverse motherhood had been cruelly torn from the ready-gaping belly that the eye's owner also owned.

 

 

***

Apocryphal tailpiece.

 

The horror is not in the actual horror itself but in the expression of the horror.  The deeper one goes into such descriptions, the more horrific they become by dint of phonology, semanticism, graphology and syntax.

 

It's over-texed. 

 

Or more simply, the text of 'Yesterfang' is becoming darker, more tenebrous and increasingly fibrous ... a canal tunnel of meaning and meaninglessnes whereby the wet, dripping, echoing walls only reflect a thicker, pastier, pestier density-of-authority from whose cloying claws we cannot clamber free.  Pest control at its minimum.  Omniscience squashed by a higher authority even than omniscience.

 

We await the arrival of Jawn and Softie into the tighter tautologies of lovecraft as an antidote to tightness itself ... over-rich and preciously prose-like (if not prosaic) with every desperate scratch of the pen that punishes their illusions of adventure and romance with textures we cannot even yet imagine being created from mere words.  You heard the warning here, first.  However, denser, deeper warnings are never as strident or urgent as the more easily expressed warnings that precede them.

 

The pest is at the very door of the past.  What could be simpler than that?

 

 

***


"Cheapest, ripest, dampest tentacles of tender bite!" shouted the seller of wares that he described by such superlatives, words that exercised the plosives and sibilants of speech, thus furthering sharp and airy articulation as an art form divorced from the past meanderings of thick, turgid talk-making that had plagued Lovecraft City's councils since the days of Yog Sothoth (now discredited and disowned from any past whatsoever). The fact that some of the superlatives used weren't always particularly appropriate, it did not seem to matter as most things sold were fundamentally indescribable in any event.

It was market day in Lovecraft City. Today, however, was also noteworthy for the giving of a relatively rare speech by the Esquire of the City Brothers. He was expected to report on the recent "salvage of a foreign body from the city's bloodstream", whilst taking the opportunity of explaining why 'salvage' was perhaps not the most appropriate word as the thing turned out, upon examination, to be a pest, not an asset. Two separate consciousnesses within the overall spiky tumour turned out to be quite a dangerous breed, in his view. Luckily one was badly wounded and incapable of mischief ... and the other just a moony-eyed marshmallow in love with itself who was wounded in soul, if not in body.

The rest of the Esquire's speech – with no apparent connection with its earlier part – went as follows (as all citizens huddled round their ancient wirelesses to listen):

"The past tells us that it is not the most appropriate word for itself. The past is not to be cherished as an intensely sought nostalgia for past tradition and its more sedate ways of life. We simply need to create a new past for our future. We must cut the old past from our bosom for the pest it truly is. Or was. So I am pleased to announce as an interim report, that we, as citizens of this great commune city, continue to succeed in shaking off the traditions of that past, all those Lovecraftian trappings of intertextual tentacularity and xenophobia, even while knowing that intrinsic parts of ourselves would truly cherish those traditions with an in-built nostalgia if we had not already plucked that canker from our memory of the past. We are now simply called Lovecraft for safer, more romantic associations than the founding father could even dream about. We bear no malice of racism. We love all strangers. If strange they truly are." (He seemed to ignore the paradox provided by this present part of his speech with its past about the 'pest' dredged from Lac du Lac.) "So, therefore, I congratulate you. Unweave the binding of the tentacle! Release your gambrel roofs! Unstopper the dreams from the witch-house! Unhook the red hook! We are new-fashioned not old-. We shout at the rats in the wall and tell them: 'Begone'! The past is past. It's dead meat. A non-parrot, an ex-parrot, a speech that I no longer give by mimic or rote, but by a true understanding of what we are and where we're going. Towards a uniformly warmer and happier world. And, meanwhile, I devote our ambitions to the arms of Azathoth's mother. Bless all who sail in her belly."

At that traditional wording to end to all speeches (as meaningless as 'For Ever and Ever, Amen'), the city's many wirelesses were turned off before any jolly music could start. The paradoxes were sacred. They needed calm to dwell on them.

*
The clump-eyed student stared upon the surface of his morning tea, as if prematurely reading its residual leaves prior to drinking. He scried thereon both Jawn and Softie sitting together inside a cage loosely wickerworked from amputated tentacles. He prayed for their escape from the Lovecraft's commune city towards a safe transference to Poe's river city ... and prayed, too, for Softie's healing from a mortal wound in her belly. When thinking of the latter, he forced back tears - and then commenced to write the essay that had been set by the professor about the past's sacred burial sites for coursework purposes. Trying to bury his own madnesses in the process. Being a student of Archaeology, this was another paradox, if not to cherish, certainly to wonder at. A Premature Burial of self.

 

***

The Poe River flowed like continuous quaffs of dark ale between vibrating intoxications of city-matter made magnetic.  The city-buildings seemed to be a series of giant tuning-fork arches interlocking like constituents of Christmas party-games –  trapped metal-pieces as tangled puzzles for eager, ham-fisted hands eventually to release. 

 

A shape of assumed human intention was seen to be delivering a heftily-mishandled oak-cask labelled 'Amontillado' through one such arch's open underpass ... amid the ancient squealing sorceries of rat-like pussy-cats in black. Squealing of walls and retribution.

 

Situated in a nearby run-down city square were the outer innards of Earth's hawling-tunnels and  gas-workings - where, only here in Poe City, the entrance to the lower bowels could be unlocked, when a carefully concealed code was broken if not solved.

 

The human shape having despatched the cask – and become drunk upon heavy stomach-loads of the fortified sherry mis-labelled 'Amontillado' that he himself had shifted in enormous quaffs of downing in one session – staggered into the square with arms akimbo and eager for the  rendezvous with those in the know regarding the quest for the pest.

 

Another taller figure followed him.  His one yellow fang sharpened by moonlight.

 

How these two men had travelled by barely beaten trail through the surface terrains slower than it has taken to describe it (sometimes in talkative company together, but often taking turns surreptitiously to track each other either for practice at so doing or because they had fallen out) would be an account longer than there is space for.  Suffice it to say that any adventures and cities they had enjoyed or suffered together in transit were as multitudinous as they were deeply experienced separate incidents.

 

One of which incidents was inadvertently to rescue Softie and Jawn from the tentacle-cage in Lovecraft City. None of the parties involved were then aware of the actual course of events, either by proximate cause or chance reaction or lucky break ... but the two men were so unpredictably behaved one night (amid an outdoor festival of Erich Zann's music) that the accidental combination of avant-garde noise and the serendipitously broken shafts of fulsome moonshine (at strictly the optimal angles of tripping lock-tumblers and cage-bars) caused what nothing else could cause: both a belly-wound sealed like magic and a tangled wickerwork unravelled tentacle by tentacle...

 

There was indeed no proximate cause.  But given knowledge of the circumstances, the two men would have taken credit for the event simply by being there.  However, neither pair knew of the other pair's presence in the area, as each pair continued - at that time - their separate onward paths for Poe City's gasworks and interlocking magnet arches.

 

***

Having watched Softie and Jawn spin off into the clattering sky, Yellowfang and Congreve (or Fang and Rider as  they preferred to call each other) had eventually agreed that they should pull together rather than indulge in rather fruitless rivalries for the purposes of the current concerns in both focussed and unfocussed endeavour.  They had, of course, been intermittent lovers over many years – enjoying the tiffs as well as the wild rows that involved biting and spitting – but the current stage in their lives being at the older end of the spectrum, they decided they no longer yearned for each other physically.  Too old and ugly even for short bouts of mutual relief.  Yet they retained the original affection.  Each would have killed for the other.  Killed others or themselves.

 

This new-found faltering friendship as comrades rather than as lovers took many a reverse, before it became a relatively stable routine during their subsequent travels from city to city. Each laughingly remained the other's pest.  Pest was a more gentle word in the vocabulary of their conversations. It had not yet transmuted, as a meaning-in-itself or as a confusion for 'past' or 'pissed', and they played around with the word as if guided by undercurrents of destiny that neither yet understood – eventually needing to pool their 'intellectual' resources even to begin to reach some basic instinct of knowledge regarding their importance in wider schemes of things.  Hence a natural forging of fresh links between them simply for the sake of something that was not themselves.

 

As they neared Poe City (its vast spiky silhouette interspersed with roundier things against the darkening sky), Fang gabbled a few sayings evidently intended to make sense:

 

"…Pesky magnets make a man a sucker. A pust-up lake makes for sticky swimming.  Gas pistons hiss and crank like old men…"

 

"Like us, you mean?" roared Rider, slapping his companion on the back rather more vigorously than mere comradeship would have otherwise warranted.

 

Poe, too, had a lake, one called Usher, but more like a moat than Lovecraft's Lac du Lac had been.  A remote moat where it had given up its aspirations to surround.

 

Usher shimmered in the fresh starlight, an expanse of water set below where the pair of clumping men tentatively hoofed it down the scrubbly slope towards this lake or tarn, indeed a lake or tarn sown with floating curds of evident inflammatory matter with which Fang had freighted his earlier reference to 'sticky swimming'.  Hence, there were to be no further manly backslaps between them for fear of accidentally knocking each other off their saddles into the so-called lake or tarn.  They did believe, from earlier evidence, that Poe City had a river not a lake, but perhaps geography in these parts was no longer a fixture given the subsidal influence of the gasworks and hawling-tunnels said to penetrate buildings as well as the ground within the city.

 

 

*

Jawn and Softie – following mysterious resurrection from the tentacled enclaves of engroven Lovecraft – still wandered its city streets for a period of delay, thinking they were somewhere else – a place called Lewis or Innsmouth, equally unsure which was which, failing to differentiate ambiance from ambiance.  Shapes of fishish physiology, if not physiognomy, flopped along the backwalks, alongside the young couple as they headed towards a tentative route between Lovecraft and Poe, without truly realising the identity of either starting-point or destination.  When time came for sleep, Jawn caressed his companion's breasts through the stiff prison-clothing still stained with seepage from the tentacles that had immured them.  Softness multiplied by word as well as substance.  They took drain of their deepest kiss yet – as they huddled together, within each other's arms, to ward off the sounds of gurgles and fins back-flipping against seaweedy walls.  Their love was a protection against loving too much, in fear of destiny or death finishing that love at its most unbearably high point to feel to have been thus finished by fish. A backstory yet to have a front.

 

 

***

I dreamed of our crashed helicopter.  Now softened by the chemicals in the water, it began lifting its head above the tarn's curdles like a giant bulbous insect or dragonfly, crawling towards the bank as a humped creature to spoil my dream by making it real.  Then another 'helicopter'… and yet another.  Time and time again, until there was a bedraggled earthbound herd or horde of silent drowned helicopters – all the more frightening for being silent.  Then I shook my head.  This could not possibly be real.  Our helicopter had crashed into the lake at a different city.  This was a relief. A relief that relief was even possible within a logical universe where my current thought processes were being formed. And I simply gave the instruction for this dream to renew its rightful sway over reality.  "Bring it on!" I screamed.  Waking Jawn in the process.  As well as myself.

 

 

*

Fang snored within the cigarette-stained fingers of those testing the burnability of any clumps of body-hair that he sported.  Now longer, more tangled, than during his earlier youth.

 

Rider's snores woke Fang to the starlight only to find himself sleep-walking quite close to the quirkily reinvigorated campfire.  Rider still snored nearby.  And it was these snores of Rider's that Fang had believed to be his own.  Fang looked up at the starlit bowl of night, dreaming of distances beyond death.  He sighed.  He loved adventure.  Especially adventures where he knew not their purpose or ability to bear a happy ending … or not.

 

He thought of the girl he had treated as a daughter – taking her on clattering sky-rides fit to outdo the greatest visions of childhood fantasy.  He wished he had children of his own, like her.  But fathering would be difficult with simply Rider as a mate!  Is it ever too late to change orientations?  He sighed and fell asleep - desperately trying to re-enter the dream of slender cigarette-stained fingers fumbling at his privates.

 

Instead, he now dreamed of the biggest man he had ever seen (in or out of dream) – almost the archetypal giant of fairy tales  with a large bloated face.  Even zombie expressions failing to fleet across the wide features between each cheek's edge.  This giant was lying on his back …. stretched upon the ground within the light of the still spluttering campfire and using a smaller man (a normal-sized man) as a sort of blanket.  When spotting Fang in the distance, the giant cruelly thrust aside this 'blanket' and lurched to his feet, slowly lumbering towards Fang with dogged purpose: the flies of his enormous trousers mis-buttoned.

 

Fang prayed that he could wake up.  But Rider had stopped snoring.

 

 

*

Wind swept Swift with lonely waywardness.  The statue of Sid the Stationer crumbled top down.  Or it seemed to crumble from inside out.  Or it simply contracted without direction. His poised hand finally dropped the 'paper-aeroplane' with a concrete clump upon the cracked slabs of the city square.  Then the hand itself finally fell off.  Except the hand flew off instead of dropping to the ground.  Resulting in a question being asked: can statues dream?  And, therefore, a further question: can ghosts ask such questions about dreaming when they are in fact the subject of dreams?

 

 

***

 

It is a thankless task writing dark fantasy.  There is no reward for inveigling readers by all manner of mock-clever means towards the edge of a dark pit – and then to let them drop for real beyond the safety-net of what they believed to be a suspension of disbelief at the optimum moment of thus truly believing such disbelief … towards the very brink of toppling into the deepest abyss that humanity could create from previously imagined powers of imagination.

 

The parthenogenesis of reality from artifice: magic fiction.

 

This is important stuff.  Too important for mere fiction to convey.  So be it.

 

The mining facilities in Poe City were ostensibly piping natural gas as a conspiracy of over-warming or incubating the world's tepid germs of latent disease for political purposes.  The United Nations tried to prevent test runs of hawling this gas by channelling contrary fictions into the veins of history itself.  Fiction as gas.  A dangerous gas created to defeat an even more dangerous gas.

 

And under cover of this process were mined millions of pests or pods or hives known as yester-eggs.  Sheer millions.  Slag-heaps of them at each and every minehead.  A whole cobbled past quarried into mountains of waste, indeed a past within every pest from which to hatch…

 

The only hope is for Hiver Jawn and Softie Mildeyes eventually to overcome their inhibitions and consummate their own egg of eggs as reality's stop-gap creation against the ultimate emptiness of everything.

 

 

+++++++

Rumours remain rife.

 

That the only part of Sid the Stationer's statue now left on the lost island of Laputa is his left foot, strangely endowed with only four toes. 

 

That the industrial complex of gasworks and hawlpits straddling Lovecraft and Poe is a fabrication of fiction - a subterfuge, a decoy for the true complex elsewhere.

 

That global warming has caused the Brueghelian snow-line cities to have melted revealing a configuration of contours loosely described as geography: a landscape - when viewed from above as a gestalt by the many buzzing helicopters - depicting the blackened face of Mother Earth herself. 

 

That the author has returned to Lewis to rediscover his true self, only to discover not himself at all, not even a wardrobe and a lion, but a small child digging the grassy ground with bare hands intent on Adventures in Wonderland.

 

That this is the end of Yesterfang ('what was captured yesterday') or simply the end of Part II (The Pest Of All Worlds), with Part III awaiting real readers to react thus far in order to make it worthwhile for any future yester-egg of magic fiction to be parthenogenetically created from artifice and then re-sown between the yellowish appliqués and woven interstices of the Proustian Panoply.

 

Bring it on! To quote Softie.

 

 

++++++++++++++++

The end of YESTERFAN ?

 

Yes, if I receive insufficient reactions to the novel so far.

 

des

 

Posted at 11:10 am by Weirdmonger
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